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Posts Tagged ‘Family’

The thought that fear is in the eye of the beholder came to mind last Thrusday night. My three year old was watching basketball with papa who was transfixed with surfing between the game and an episode of River Monsters. The host and biologist Jermey Wade goes on a night hunt on the Fitzroy River of Australia to track and catch a Sawfish.

I found myself viscerally opposed to the sensationalized imagery and scaremongering contained in the program. A high level of propagandizing nature in its habitat something, in my spectrum of motherhood, I find unsuitable for a 3 year old (no matter how fascinating the information and facts shared). In vocalizing my assessment I was confronted with papa’s comparison of this cinematography to the stories we read to our daughter weekly; the reality that although I found this episode distasteful (alot like a nature program on steroids) among my daughter’s favorite books are Peter and the Wolf, The Three Little Pigs, Where the Wild Things Are, Beauty and the Beast, Little Red Riding Hood (notice the theme here?). She is fascinated with the dark portrayal of the animal kingdom; portrayals such as wolfs, wild things and beasts as symbols of malintention, trickery and provocateurs of fear.

I am comfortable with exploring her fears in a fantastic literary context but when it comes to a cinematic portrayal of the dangerous and scary face of nature, real habitats, I find myself cringing.

Is it that fear is in the eye of the beholder? In this case myself with my deep fear for the unknown especially in dark water (as my sister can attest to) or is it that fear is “trained in the eye” of the beholder? Training derived from a variety of domains and in this case a domain; so effective, so intense, so targeted, it is a domain most of us will not live without……………………… TELEVISION!

Fear is in the eyes of di beholder,
And love is in the presence of the love maker,
Life is in the words of the comforter,
Endure much longer,
Live much longer”

-Damian Marley

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I was 28, my boyfriend and I had been living together for the past 8 months of our going on 2 year relationship.  I was ready.  OK… self filter here, I was ready for the blessings of motherhood and a little rosy eyed at the realities of the lifestyle changes ahead.

What did my boyfriend think?  I found in sharing the news of our pregnancy that some (I think many) men are not brought up to naturally consider themselves fathers; they are groomed to be, in my experience, strategic guys with various appetites.  The ones that are keepers, like mine, are also lovers of their women and their shared community (I’ll leave the evaluation of their communication to foreshadowing for now; ahem…Mars vs. Venus)

Sitting together on our chaise four years ago, in our fresh young pad chatting about the future of his clothing line and necessary career moves I looked him clear in the eyes and shared the news… “we’re pregnant!”

While growing up I embraced my future role as mother volunteering in our meeting’s Sunday school, working as a nanny, lots of babysitting along with listening and caring for my friends thorough ups and downs.  I was provided, through these experiences, VIP admission into the realm of care provider, friend to others and especially children; I loved the inclusivity of this role in my community. I don’t think boys growing up alongside of me were fostered in this way.  They were the “wild things” (rude boys as my pops calls them), funny, wily and carefree.

I will compare my boyfriend’s immediate reaction to news of our pregnancy, to the response you may expect of someone being solicited to run for president of a newly formed republic after leaving their career as a fisherman/boxer/lumber jack for instance.  There was amazement mixed with self evaluation.

However, the moment following what amounts to an earthquake of thought, enforced my faith in his ability as a father.  He was collected and pensive; he shared that he had never taken the time to think of himself as a father and then, very purposefully he pulled out a notepad and began mapping out a financial plan to bring us inline as parents!

Then as now in these churning times, I find these qualities of his mind; steadfast, strategic and solutions oriented excessively valuable to me, our daughter and our family. Leading me towered a gratefulness I seldom effectively express (insert Venus vs. Mars).

Together we bring balance to our family in a classic emotional sense.  This is why, in light of my experience I suggest, that these boys, these wild, carefree beings can be exactly the grounding force a woman like me values. I find their greatness is often punctuated in unexpected times and allows the emotional care providing women lessons in balance between the nurturing drive in ourselves and the realities of life and its surprises.

On the day my love and I jointly acknowledged our conception; sauntering nervously toward the light of parenthood, our declaration rang loud in the heart of my subconsciousness… “LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!”

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